Becoming A Woman


 
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I am on this journey of discovering The Art of Being A Woman myself. I can say that I have started this journey quite recently because this is when I have become aware of the fact that Being A Woman is an Art indeed. But actually my journey as a woman started a long time ago, the moment I was born into this body. 

I remember, as a child, being in love with everything and anything that was about women: dresses, lipstick, mom’s high heels shoes, and so on.

I remember changing my dresses every hour as I was playing pretending that I am going out with friends or having other kind of women activities that required, in my imagination, a different outfit. I even remember thinking about myself as I was looking in the mirror as a child that I was going to grow into a beautiful woman. 

Of course, time passed and life happened and I did grow into a beautiful woman, but not into the beautiful woman I imagined as a child. I turned out to be more masculine in my inner power than feminine. I turned into showing my strengths more than my sensitivity because somewhere along the way I did not understand that sensitivity is power expressed in a feminine way. So I hid my sensitiveness so well throughout the years that I didn’t even know it was there. 

But what happened along the way?

If I were to pay attention to my thoughts and memories, I have this one image from my childhood that keeps being alive in my mind over 25 years and I didn’t know why. I was about 5 years old living in our first apartment as a family. Back then we did not have babysitters in our country and the people that were taking care of us were our grandparents, especially our grandmothers.

Some beautiful paths can’t be discovered without getting lost.
— Erol Ozan

One day I was playing around the house pretending I was this beautiful grown-up woman dressed very feminine with a dress on high heels wearing a purse on my left shoulder. I was also wearing make-up and a read lipstick that, of course, I have borrowed from my mother for this beautiful role.

As I was walking from one room to the other pretending that I am an important woman having meetings in different places, I remember seeing my brother in one of the rooms doing his homework as he was in his first grade.

In another room I remember seeing my grandmother. I walked up to her and asked her Could you please teach me to read and write just as you have taught my brother? 

My grandmother answered You don’t need to know that, at least not now, for you're a girl and it's more important to be beautiful.

Beautiful or intelligent? Not both.

I don’t really remember what happened in my mind at that moment but I remember how hurt I felt. I wanted so much to be as smart and intelligent as my older brother that everyone was admiring from a very early age as much as I wanted to be a beautiful woman.

For me this made perfect sense. But it looks like in real life things didn’t or don’t go just like that. So I had to choose between being beautiful and not so intelligent and being not so beautiful and intelligent.

Of course, I chose the second option because I wanted to be admired the same way my brother was. 

This small event that happened one normal day of life during my childhood changed the entire course of my life as a woman. 

I started to not desire girl clothes as much. I was so happy with the clothes that came from my brother because he was growing fast and so I would have all his clothes after they became too small for him.

I preferred having my hair cut short. I preferred playing with cars instead of dolls. If I had any dolls I would always cut their hair short and dress them weird. I used to play more with boys and boys games with guns and violence instead of soft games for girls. 

There is no surprise that actually in school I was not very smart nor intelligent as I had imagined, and learning for me was always a struggle.

Of course, I was denying my femininity and I was trying to be half of what I was. 

The moment I started being really good in school was the moment I went to college. As a 'coincidence' that was the time when I started to discover my feminine side with my first psychotherapist. 

My body talked to me all along the way. I was not listening.

On a somatic level, my body kept transmitting signals to me of not accepting who I really was and that I was meant to be beautiful as well as intelligent and that these two attributes go together and they are part of the same world. The longest sign that came through my body was the pain in my ovaries that were crying inside of me all this time. 

The body, like everything else in life, is a mirror of our inner thoughts and beliefs. Every cell within your body responds to every single thought you think and every word you speak.
— Louise Hay

For 22 years I had this monthly incredible pain that I thought was normal or that God was mad at me for something, until one day when I asked myself What if nobody is mad at me, but instead it loves me and is trying to send me a clear message through my body? And yes, this was it.

Changing the perspective about looking at this pain came with a confirmation from a person that I met really soon after this beautiful insight.

This person said to me Your feminine and masculine Energies are out of balance. Your masculine energy is dominant and so the feminine energy is hurting. The pain is the sign that is trying to show you that you need to change, it is pointing out to you where you have to work on yourself.

So here it was, right in front of me the answer that I have been looking for 22 years. Now it came to me through an insight and through another person as a confirmation. 

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This changed my life and it was for me a new beginning.

Natalia Vaduva

Now I knew what I had to do, to explore, to discover and to enjoy the feminine energy, to become more of who I really am, to discover my own beauty that has been locked down for so long. 

I realised I don’t want to have my nails short just because my father used to say to me that I look better natural. I don’t want to be natural. I desire to be feminine. This is my nature!

I want to wear long, red nails. I want to wear beautiful red lipstick on my big lips. I want to wear beautiful dresses that will bring be in contact with my feminine energy.

I desire to feel as a woman and enjoy all the beautiful gifts that come along with being a woman instead of always thinking that other women might feel intimidated by my presence or that men might have dirty thoughts or that conservatives will have judgemental eyes.

All of these problems are not mine.They never were.

Somehow I just had the wrong limiting belief that they were mine. I free myself from it! I am done with the times when I would struggle to dress to go out or to even to buy a dress that I loved because I was taught to be careful about not being misunderstood as being an easy character.

Now all this doesn’t make sense anymore.

I am done compromising my own feminine energy and power for something that someone might say. 

Now I know that this old limitations are not what I want anymore.

Now I want something completely new, I want to discover the new me, to find and enjoy my perfect self expression.

I have decided to let go of everything and discover who I really am as a woman. 

I have decided to enjoy the round shapes of my body.

I have decided to be proud of my height and to adore my unequal breasts that are far away from being in accordance with the perfect standards. 

I have decided to enjoy every bit of this life in this perfect given body that represents a gift from Divinity.

I have decided to appreciate the health and where this body had been taking me in life so far. 

I have decided to let this body shine in its true beauty, to let the inner feminine energy manifest itself and to design the shapes and sensuality it wants. 

I have decided to listen to my body about everything it has to say. 

I have decided to let myself be transformed by the power of the Unseen that shapes everything from nature to bodies and to characters. 

I have decided to be beautiful every moment of the day.

I have decided to fall in love with myself every morning as I look into the mirror. 

I have decided to wear my beautiful dress for myself around the house because it makes me feel amazing and not only when I go out. 

I have decided to wear lipstick around the house just because it makes me feel spectacular.

I have decided to discover more about the beauty of the feminine power that lies within and how to use it to please my amazing husband. 

I have decided to make from femininity an Art in my life and to master The Art of Being a Woman. 


Beautiful woman, 

What about you?

As women we have a great inner beauty and feminine power that awaits to be discovered, and longs for our attention. I invite you to embark on this beautiful journey by sharing with me your experience as a woman, your thoughts and desires. Now is the time for us to unite and create something spectacular in life for ourselves and for the next generations using our feminine power.

Sending you lots of love, Natalia

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