HOW DO WE HANDLE OUR RELATIONSHIP WHEN WE REALISE WE HAVE DIFFERENT HABITS FROM OUR PARTNER?
Small things like dropping the clothes around the house can become annoying after a long day of work or after repeating to our partner this is not how we like the house to look like.
But hey, every person has its own habits. What works for me and makes me feel good does not necessary work for someone else. But the space we share as a couple must make both of us feel good about living in there.
And think about this, just like a very well organised person loves seeing everything in place, the same way there are people that don't really like it. It just doesn't make them feel good.
So negotiate! Bring your ideas to the table and share your feelings with your partner. Learn how to negotiate into a relationship. Learn to talk and to see what is it that your partner likes as well. How does your partner like the house? And also look inside yourself and see if his habits actually bother you or is just more a matter of how you have been used to keep your house until this moment.
One thing I keep telling my clients when it comes to this subject is to always remember that when two people become a couple and start sharing a space together, it is not only them in there. In that space both of them will bring everything they have seen in their families.Different families, different habits.
This is not a matter of good or bad, it is a matter of what is familiar or unfamiliar to us and our partner.
Our brain is like a really smart computer. It really depends on what is in there, what apps play on the background. Think about your phone, if you do not have a certain app on your phone you will not be able to use and benefit out of it. The same way is with our subject: if our partner does not have the app called Keep the house clean, he will not be able to use. If you are going to complain to him about not using the app, he will probably say "What is wrong with you woman? I keep the house clean.". The word "clean" can mean different things for you and your partner. One question that always helps in a situation like this is "What does clean means to you exactly?". This way you can actually see what it means for each of you. Don't be surprised if it means different things. Most of the times is different.
So just take your time and talk about it, show him your app on your phone and nicely talk about how good and easy this app makes your life and maybe he will decide to download it as well.
One of the keys to a happy and successful relationship is acceptance. Just accept the other one the way they are.
Here is not a matter of "You should change" or "No, you should change". Here it is a matter of "we have decided to share this life and we want to be happy, so let's create new habits together that we both can enjoy.".
The most successful couples that I know are the couples that build their mindset together. Remember what I told you we bring into our relationship whatever is familiar to us. Our brain is programmed to reject the unfamiliar and this is when arguments get in the way of happiness and acceptance.
So just build your mindset together. Become aware of the fact that you decided to live this life together, and so why not build it together as well and you can start with your mindset.
Read the same books and talk about it. Watch the same movies and talk about it. Go to the same seminars and talk about it.
This is how you can build your mindset together.This is how both of you are going to let go of the familiar patterns that no longer serve you and you are going to build new ones that make you both happy.