HOW DO WE FIND BALANCE BETWEEN PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT, RELATIONSHIPS AND CAREER?
This is not a matter of how I can find balance between personal development, relationships and career, it is a matter of if the balance is or is not in me? I am the one involved in personal development, I am the one involved in the relationships, I am the one involved in my career.
So do I have balance in my personal development? Do I have balance in my relationships? Do I have balance in my career?
So the point is do I have balance in general in yourself? I can only give what I have and what is inside of me. I can not give something I am not or something I don't have.
First let's see what personal development is really about?
When we start the journey of personal development in our lives, we start doing this because we see in ourselves things we don't like in ourselves and in our life. And so we start to read, to go to seminars because there is something we want to get rid of. We start the self development because we want to run away of something we are not. We start the personal development out of fear. And fear is the opposite of love.
As in everything, the rule of what we focus on expands works even in this situation. So if we are going to start developing ourselves because we are afraid of not becoming this or that, the thing is we are going to start creating in our lives exactly what we don't want. This is an universal law, and it doesn't matter that our intention is good.
After a while I realised this is not the right mindset. Yes, I wanted to change my life and this was my intention, at least this is what I believed to be true. But the deep intention inside of me was to not become like this.The insight which transformed my life and boosted my personal development journey was the idea that I wanted to do my personal development out of self love.
But what does it mean to develop out of self love?
If the previous development is based on what I don't want to become aka fear, the personal development out of self love means letting go of everything I am not and this way I make room to discover who I really am deep down there, what is my essence.
So the questions are: what does self love really means to me as a woman? How can I nurture myself? Who am I without everything I was taught, everything I have seen in my family and in the society I grew up in? What is my real essence as a woman?
The idea is to look inside ourselves and to ask ourselves is this who I really am as a woman? Does this represent me as a woman?Or is this just something that I picked up from someone? Do I really want this in my life?We are unique human beings and we should remember this and look for this uniqueness inside ourselves and once we find it we should let it manifest into our lives.
Then how do we find balance in relationships?
The first and most important relationship we have in our life is the relationship we have with ourselves.
This is the first relationship. This is the first relationship we should have balance in.
So let's ask ourselves how do I treat myself? How much do I work? How much do I rest? How much do I read? How much do I have fun? How much do I stay in the nature? How much do I stay at the office? How much do I clean the house?
So if we want to have balance in our relationships, first we have to have balance inside ourselves. We have to be happy and proud about who we are. We have to praise ourselves for the small things and the big things we accomplish in our lives. We have to forget about the check list once we put our head on the pillow and we have to praise ourselves for all we did that day. We have to stop the self criticism. Tomorrow is another day.
Once we find the balance inside ourselves and we know what we like and what not, what is ours and what is not, then we can build and discover relationships with other people based on who we truly are. Yes, sometimes or most of the times we are going to have to let go of the toxic relationships in our lives because now we know they are not good for us, that toxic relationships are bad for us and they can bring unbalance in our lives. This way we will attract relationships that are healthy for us. They come and bring more balance to the self balance that we already have.
So how do we find balance in our career?
For me career is whatever I want to create in this life. It is not necessarily the traditional meaning of career. Once we have balance in ourselves and our relationships, we can bring balance into our career and what we want to create in our lives.
Let me tell you something about my experience.
I was raised with the mindset to work hard, do my best and over deliver. This is all I new. When I was in school, I had to study hard and get the best grades. B wouldn't be enough. It had to be an A. When I was working in a company, I brought the same pattern at my work place: work hard, over deliver and most of the time I did overtime because this is what the managers put into our head.
Later on when I have decide I will build something on my own, I started working hard on this project Mattera | The Art Of Being A Woman. I gave everything for this project: all my time, energy and mind space. So at a certain point I have realised I brought the same pattern into my own project. I realised I was lying to myself and I could see this was not healthy for me because I was neglecting other relationships and aspect of my life.
So I had to stop lying to myself and balance myself. So I unplugged myself from work and I said to myself I was going to do other things like cooking, gardening, going shopping, spending quality time with my husband. Yes, I had so many thoughts of self blaming and self criticising. But I had to take those thoughts out of my head. They were not being very friendly with we and they were giving me a lot of discomfort.
The point to my story is that we keep bringing into our lives the same patterns over and over again because our brain is designed to choose the familiar patterns over the unfamiliar.
As adults, we come to understand that not everything that we have seen in our lives or around us is healthy. We understand we have a choice to live our lives just the way we want it.
To rap this up, the idea is that if we want to have balance in different aspects of our lives, we first have to have balance into ourselves. Moreover, if we are going to bring unbalance lifestyle in one area of our life, the unbalance is going to be in the rest of the areas as well because it's like Domino, one piece goes down, every piece goes down because they are interconnected inside of us.