HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN WRONG FOR OVER 20 YEARS?
I was wrong for over 20 years. Did it ever happen to you to be wrong about something for so long?
I kept receiving this message in my life for over 20 years every single month.
I never questioned my perspective over it.
I had my first period when I was 10 or 11 years old and since the first time I had it, I remember the excruciating pain in my ovaries. It was the kind of pain that requested several painkillers during the day and still feel the freaking pain.
Most of the time my life just stopped during those days when I just couldn’t move.
Asking my mom about this, she said she had the same thing all her life until she had my brother and I. Apparently her mom had it too. So I just took it as it was and thought this was normal.
Of course, I talked to other friends about it and they seemed to have nothing like this on their period. And so I got used to the idea that all of this is gonna go away after I have kids.
But this was not for me.
Life took me on a long and crazy journey and I ended up taking birth control pills for 7 years. Life changed in that time. I had no pain and I was back to life.
At least that is what I thought.
No, of course I was not back to life. I was living a lie. I was lying my body with some pills that took me on a really deep depression and so many other things. Back then I did not know. All I wanted was to not feel the freaking pain.
Fast forward, I gave up the birth control pills, I overcame the depression, lots has happened and I changed my life.
The body keeps talking. I start listening.
This year, as I lived in Bali for a few months and I worked intensely on my inner self and feminine energy, I had this revelation one day.
During my time in Bali I took these supplements that are said to help the menstruation because they are natural and they bring certain things into the body.
And so I was taking these pills but somehow I was forgetting about them almost all the time. My husband was trying to help me remember to take it and so he was so nice to keep bringing it to me every day so I will take it.
As I was taking the supplement every day I felt in a way that my body doesn’t want it. It was this gentle feeling into my body that was rejecting it. For a few months I gave no attention to this even though I was trying/ learning how to listen to my body. But as you probably know, sometimes the mind says ‘I know best. Listen to me. Just take it.’.
One day as I was meditating about this situation and the pain in my ovaries, I had this thought or voice inside of me telling me ‘What if the pain was never a curse, but a blessing? What if you could look at this pain from this perspective?’.
That moment everything changed.
I finally understood that the pain was a blessing. The pain was the path to my feminine energy self discovery. It was the key to the feminine kingdom.
How was this possible?
Yes, the pain was a blessing, a key that I have been looking for all my life. As I connected all the dots, everything made sense. My mom had her pain that stopped after she had my brother and I. Now I have it. And it will probably be gone when I will have kids unless… unless I heal it.
I have gone to a homeopath doctor and she said the pain is caused by trans - generational anger that I have from women in my family.
Of course it is.
I mean I have studied and investigated for years the lives of the women in my family and I know their history and what they went through. As moms and grandmas are, they will never say the entire story because they don’t want to make us suffer. But I know their lives and if their lives were actually worse than what they have described to me then this means that the anger is normal to be there.
Living in an ex communist country where people have almost no culture for spiritual healing or psychotherapy, especially back in the days, of course the women in my family never got a chance to spiritual cleansing and get rid of the anger. They just passed it over to the next generation.
But now that I know all this, can I pass it on to my kids?
I find it my responsibility to understand it and heal it.
And if this pain is being offered to me as a gift, I better start unpacking this gift and see what is inside.
So after I had this revelation, a lot of things started to unlock. Things started to flow.
I met with this energy healer in Ubud and told her about my pain. She said the pain comes from the fight between the masculine and the feminine energy. The masculine energy is dominant and is ‘hurting’ the feminine energy that can not express and manifest itself.
This made so much sense.
This was so obvious now as I was looking back into my life.
Now I knew what I had to do. I knew I have to get in touch with my feminine energy and ask it what I have to do to change my life and to transform into the woman I always wanted to be.
And I did. The feminine energy and the masculine energy are now living in a synergy and are supporting each other and honouring each other. I experience this in my everyday life.
What about you, beautiful woman? Are you receiving any messages from your body and don’t know what they are? I would love to hear your story.